First of all, I feel the importance of beginning this article with sharing with you the bondage; I myself lived for many years. This bondage that I speak of isn't the typical bondage that we so often think of as bondage.
However, the bondage that I will be speaking of often goes left unnoticed as bondage, and is very real to a large percentage of women today, as well as many others as the years have come to pass.
This bondage that I speak of is that of: being kept, controlled, manipulated, used, brutalized, crushed emotionally as well as spiritually at times.
This is the bondage that many women, and although this article is addressed to women; it can cover a wide range of individuals, that may experience day by day, one relationship to another relationship, this type of bondage in their lives from the men or other significant others that are in their lives.
I too experienced this type of bondage from a relationship with my estranged husband, I thought that I was biblically bound to this marriage until my bondager committed adultery. And I must say that I did wait until that did occur, many times over.
Why did I wait, at the time not realizing that I was in bondage by this relationship, I allowed thoughts to enter my head about forgiveness . And by no means am I down grading forgiveness, this is what we ARE to do, as the Lord also forgives.
However, I was going about forgiveness all wrong. All I could think about each time my estranged husband dishonored our vows that we made before man and God, was the Lord expects me to forgive. Although adultery is legal grounds for divorce I kept feeling the importance of forgiving over and over again. Matthew 18:21-22, " Then Peter came and said to Him, " Lord, how often shall I forgive my brothers when he sins against me? Up to seven times?
Jesus said to him; " I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven."
By this scripture so many are mislead, when Jesus said seventy times seven, he didn't literally mean that number count, he meant that we shouldn't even keep track of how many times we forgive others. We should always forgive those who are truly repentant, just as He does, no matter how many times they might ask.
This verse can be terribly abusive if taken out of context. Misquoting of this verse varies, including: " Forgetting the abuse", " You have an unforgiving spirit ", "Bearing a root of bitterness ".
This verse misapplied has also lead many in to speaking the words, " I have forgiven you ", in reality the forgiver really hasn't come to terms with forgiveness to the other. Saying this, and thinking maybe that it will sooth matters over.
When this happens, the proper act hasn't been addressed, but only suppressed. The emphasis is on integrity, purity of your heart-- instead of covering it up and holding the matter inside of you. Jesus doesn't want us to stay in abusive relationships, remember as Christians our bodies are His Holy Temples. 1 Cor. 3:16; 6:19, "I am a temple--a dwelling place--of God." "His Spirit and His life dwells in me. "
Jesus purposed that there be three confrontations before we give up on an offender. After the third time, if no change has occurred--we are free to walk away from the matter and knowing that we have done our part. Again, I speak of how this verse at times may be misapplied in; "forgetting the abuse."
Just because we forgive others, doesn't mean that we will forget the wrong act that has been taken against us.
We are all human and have minds, our minds are just the same as computers, we can't help but store everything.
Forgiveness isn't forgetting, forgiveness is about releasing YOURSELF from the bitterness and grudges that we place on others who wrong us, when there is true unforgiveness in our lives, this blocks the way for the Lord to manifest in our lives.
I would like to address that many of us, but not all, place ourselves in a position of vulnerability, opening ourselves up to these types of " bondage relationships ". Although not intentionally, we at times place a sign around our necks advertising that we are seeking this type of relationship. The place we stand spiritually has everything to do with this, as well as our attitudes toward ourselves.
There are many that know how to read others, and believe me; many do read others by their spirituality and the way that we present ourselves. We can be vulnerable without even realizing that we are vulnerable. This behavior can be from learning by set examples, generational, as well as traumas that have placed us to be in a vulnerable position. Certain trauma's in our lives can bring us to a place of vulnerability---"especially without being aware." We all know how a scorned puppy will cower down when you raise your voice, they become vulnerable. We are the same, and most of the time we are not even aware. There are many that seek individuals to do this very thing, and they then feel that they are in charge of you and your life, and it makes them feel powerful.
This is exactly why when we forgive, we are in reality forgiving and not suppressing the act of wrong that has been placed against us. When we suppress our true feelings when others wrong and hurt us, instead of dealing with the issues, this can cause many things to happen to us.
One, it opens the door for Satan to intrude in our lives, he will continue to allow it to happen, as you are giving him legal rights to allow him to let it continue to happen to you.
Two, Satan will also feed off our vulnerability. Knowing our feelings and eventually he will continue to work on us-- possibly causing us to sin. This is what can happen in this situation: By feeling so vulnerable, the first person that makes us feel adequate, we are tempted to give in to flesh and create sin for ourself. This is often how we become in bondage with others.
When we as Christians keep our emotions suppressed in darkness, Satan, the prince of darkness, gets a foothold.
God does EVERYTHING in the light (1 John 1:5-7), expose the darkness to light, and the darkness will run for shadows. Instead of seeking man's approval and acceptance, we always need to stay focused and in tune with the tuner or Creator. We are to seek the Lords approval on everything !!! (2 Cor. 10:5)-- " We need to take each and every thought captive to the obedience to Christ, knowing what is right and what is pure." James 4:7, --- " Submit yourselves then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. " Proverbs 4:20- 23, --- " My son, pay close attention to what I say; listen closely to my words. Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart; for they are life to those who find them and health to a man's whole body." 'Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.'
Our hearts and our feelings dictates to a great extent who we are and how we live, as well as who we stand for.
We are to guard our hearts above all, making sure that we concentrate on the things that will keep us on track and focused on the Lord.
We need do daily do a reality check with ourselves, making sure our feelings are pushing us in the right direction and not into bondage with our adversary.
By placing ourselves and our lives in the hands of others-- seeking to get involved or staying in a, " bondage relationship ", we so often let our guard down on our hearts, then allowing bondage to take place.
We all need to seek peace and solitude with the Lord, as well as build a personal relationship with Him.
This must come first, then next a relationship with our mate. As Christians we are to choose other Christians as mates, one's that have Christ-like character and bearing good fruit. When we do this backwards, seeking first a mate of the world, then Our Lord; we then place ourselves in great jeopardy. Remember we are to; "seek first the Kingdom of God," and all other things will be given. -- (Luke 12:31).
Our Lord stands ready and waiting for you to turn to Him, He wants to help provide what we need and how to use what He has given to us.
If you are one that is right now involved in a " bondage relationship ", are currently or have been wounded: emotionally, physically, or spiritually, the beginning of your freedom comes in admitting to the Lord and to yourself the truth of your pains and struggles and pleading to Him and maybe to others that are close, that you are in need of help. Hebrews 4:16, " I have the right to come boldly before the throne of God to find mercy and grace in time of need."
Revictimization occurs when the truth is silenced and suppressed, Victory comes by speaking and knowing the truth. " You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free. " Remember you are chosen of God, holy and dearly loved.--- (Col. 3:12; Thess. 1:4) We can do all things through Christ who gives us strength--(Phil. 4:13) , today "let the peace of Christ rule in your heart." --(Col. 3:15) and let "the word of Christ richly dwell within." --(Col.3:16). May your life be molded by your devotion to the Lord and the conviction that : "He is the way, the truth and the life." --(John 14:6).
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